My Ritalin

I can only imagine what sort of thoughts have already come to mind with a title like this. Really, it was a phrase that caught my eye a few days ago while reading. Let me digress a bit from the reading to what brought me round circle to those two words in the first place, though.

Tuesday, as Dave and I sat before our pastor, I was flooded with this giant reminder of how 'tired' I feel. I mainly attribute this 'knowing' to the fact that it was the first time I sat down (on our couch or anywhere, besides our bed, for that matter) for more than 15 minutes in the last two weeks. It truly is amazing at how aware we become when we choose to simply be still. In this case, I hadn't personally chosen the stillness, rather it came in lieu of preparing for Jonatan's dedication on Sunday.

The second bit of awareness that also led to recalling a quote from recent readings was when Woody asked us what we favor in nurturing our relationship with Christ. Hmmmm, this didn't take much thought. I have always been a naturalist at heart...followed by disciplines like Bible reading, prayer, and journaling...although, nature is where I feel closest to God and experience Him most intimately. This discussion served as a reminder of how much I enjoy time spent relating to God in His creation, and how much I hope to share that love with Jonatan.

So, my daydreaming during our conversation with Woody (sorry Woody) brought me back to a quote from "Last Child in the Woods," by Richard Louv. In one of the first pages, the author is recounting his own days of tree-climbing and wooded sensory experiences when he states: "Now, my tree-climbing days long behind me, I often think about the lasting value of those early days, deliciously idle days. I have come to appreciate the long view afforded by those treetops. The woods were my Ritalin. Nature calmed me, focused me, and yet excited my senses."

Well, I think that is about where I stand on the issue of nature! Nature has always been such an incredible medium for God's work and communication in my own life. At a very basic level, being in the back woods has always provided me peace, rest, and perspective. So, why I am I tired? I am tired on several levels for a variety of reasons. I think the biggest is simple life-change. Between the life of a toddler and adventures in returning to work, our family life has felt a bit more frenzied these days.

I can say that my return to work has resulted in a mixed bag of emotions. I enjoy the time I have with patients as well as coworkers, although I miss Dave and Jonatan and watching the daily changes that Jonatan is going through these days. While the practical side of work is that it provides an additional income, it also provides a small chunk of insanity for me. I now have a deep amount of respect for parents who worked opposite shifts for years...and they did that day/night stuff full time, sometimes overtime, and with three of us! Woody had joked that most people are lucky if they make it through the toddler years not having been incarcerated and their child alive with all of the mayhem that this age often entails. While I can say that we are fortunate to have only mild toddler mayhem, I can see what he means...I am not sure how we (my siblings and I) are still alive after those years with two sleep-deprived parents. Ha.

And so it is, I am back to work as of two weeks ago. I can't say that I absolutely love it, the schedule, that is, although it could be worse. Dave and I talked after my first week back and concluded that a reduction in hours would be best, for all of us. So, starting this week, I have reduced my already part-time hours. I can't even begin to tell you what 8 less hours of work feels like...it is but wonderful! This reduction and our conversation with Woody has also helped me to think more intentionally about the time I spend personally as well as the time we spend as a family. So, in a sense, my return to work has been helpful in more ways than one.

Yesterday, we also hosted a social worker for our first post-adoption visit. It seemed to go well. The only hitch was that Jonatan began crying and continued crying for a bit after the social worker left. We weren't quite sure what this was about as he doesn't have all the words to express that. The only thing we can imagine is that she reminded him of his foster mom or the visits with the social worker in Colombia. I am thinking the latter is more the case, and that it scared him as we went for a hike as a family last evening and he would have mini-meltdowns if I got too far ahead of him. So, today has been all about connecting and reinforcing the idea that this is forever.

Speaking of, Jonatan is getting up, so I need to cut this short. I have more to share as well as pictures, but will need to post some more in the near future.